40 before 40
When I sold my business and moved from Philadelphia to Taos, NM, I had what I thought I needed to live the life I wanted: time and money.
As the days, weeks and months passed, however I noticed I wasn’t doing the awesome things I said I would do. Some of the reasons felt legitimate; I had a car that wasn’t suited to a snowy, muddy climate, I didn’t know many people aside from my wife, I didn’t know my way around, and I was scared of going out alone into nature and getting attacked by bears, snakes or mountain lions.
Even as I made friends, got a new car, figured out where stuff was and realized that the likelihood of getting attacked by a predator-while-hiking was relatively small I still didn’t do all the things. Why? What was happening? I took time to think deeply about it.
In Philly, I complained about not having enough time, money and easy access to nature. In Taos, I had all of those things. The main factor consistent in both places was me.
Shit.
Internal, not external things seemed to determine my doing. My own fears, self doubts, resistance to self-care, unconscious prioritization of tasks and thinking that things outside me would make me happy followed me across the country like a ghost.
Deep breath.
It surprised me to find that although circumstances were radically different in Taos, the routine was pretty much the same as in Philly; each day or week I made a list of things that ‘needed’ to be done, did them and checked them off the list. I prioritized these things above what I really wanted to do. Sure, sometimes I did what I really wanted, but I didn’t prioritize it above the list of things that ‘needed’ to get done. In Philly I made work the most important thing and in Taos I put errands and house-care at the top of the list. Somehow I always had a good reason why these things were most important. We’ll explore the mechanics behind that in another post.
Interesting.
I decided I needed a life hack.
If my internal thoughts were strong enough to hold me back, I needed to come up with a way to outsmart them…
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I am a doer. I get things done. It is my superpower.
It has served me professionally.
Completing lists feels deeply gratifying. I love Google’s ‘Tasks’ feature because it affords me the great satisfaction of checking off completed tasks on my virtual calendar (Side note for geeks- why does the Google tasks not allow you to create recurring tasks!!!??? It drives me crazy. Somebody fix that). I love the feelings I have when those little boxes are checked. I feel responsible, capable, strong, satisfied.
If something is on the top of my list, especially if it is time-sensitive, I get it done.
Historically, lists have been a key strategy for my prioritization of things. Like Pavlov’s dog, I see an item on my list and I get it done so I can check it off and feel the reward.
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I looked ahead to my upcoming 40th birthday. It was a few months away.
I made a list. I wrote out 40 things I wanted to do before I turned 40.
The deadline and challenge of the list was exactly what I needed to outsmart my worried, scared, resistant mind.
Some of the items were designed to retrain my mind; some of the 40 things contained 40 things within them, with their own mini checkboxes:
6. Go out into nature 40 times
7. Only check Facebook and email one time per day, 40 times.
8. Stay offline before 3pm, 40 times
9. Swim 40 times
Other items were big things I wanted to do but kept making excuses and procrastinating, for example:
1. Go skiing (I’ve never skied before and Taos is famous for it)
2. Say no to something that I don’t want to do
3. Start a blog
4. Make pickles
5. Visit Deer Park Monastery
The list went on...
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The list is turning out to be a really helpful hack, a game changer. I’m not 40 yet (my b-day’s in January). My sneaky mind is still coming up with reasons not to do things, but I’m working with them. I still come up with excuses. Some of my current favorites include:
• I changed my mind; I don’t really want to do that anyway
• It’s not important
• I can’t afford that now
I know that these thoughts don’t have as much power as I previously gave them. I’m being gentle with myself.
I’m accepting myself where I’m at, and loving myself into changing, instead of hating myself for not being perfect. And if I don’t check everything off my list by the time I’m 40, I know I’ll still be okay. Some of the items I wrote are turning out to not be as important as I thought. I’m sitting with what I want to do about that. I’m not giving as much power to my list, yet I’m allowing it to serve me, instead of serving it.
Do you want to make a list of things to do before your next b-day? 20 before 20? 72 before 72?
If this has got you thinking, please share your own list, thoughts, life hacks and/or challenges in the comments. We can help each other live the life we want. I’m sending so much love and support to you…